literature

The Jealous Charade

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Ice-Dutchess's avatar
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Literature Text

Its a double-edged blade
but I play the charade
The deception is fine, 
even as it toys with my mind
Try and let it go?
Maybe, but I don't think so.
Is it worse to be the first 
And have endless thirst
Left for an open mind
Divine!
I keep it divine. 
Every possible way 
that could lead to the flame.
Every breath against me.
"Hell is jealous of the rain."
I want to feel its soft touch
Bathe In its cool sensation
I want to dance under its cloud
I want to drown in revelation
Cleanse me, wipe away a guilty past
But is that too much to ask?
I always thought so before..
Maybe not anymore
The charade plays on in my mind
And I know it must go on
I need it to stay strong
as the mask molds to my face
the bleeding gets easier
a beautiful synthetic grace
And the feeling, much prettier
I released a bitter tide
I realized the bitter lie
And from it I did not hide
But embraced it's serenity
I have learned to breathe
I have learned to see
I have left behind 
the crooked heartbeat
The mirror does not show
someone I do not know
but someone I want to be
A hell, yet free. 
December 26, 2012
1:11:08pm
Its really strange looking at old poetry. Kind of like visiting an old friend or enemy. "Oh, yeah! You again..." Except its me. Its the old frenemy of my brain. I dont know how I feel about that person anymore, its almost unrecognizable. Certainly not as relatable. Maybe that's why its easier to post. Cause it doesnt feel as personal anymore. Those feelings have become dormant, perhaps left completely. The sense of urgency is gone. 
Oh, before I forget, the line in quotations is a reference to one of my favorite Blue October songs, "Sound of Pulling Heaven Down"

Sound of Pulling Heaven Down:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnskaYaWHjU
© 2014 - 2024 Ice-Dutchess
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CrimsonShards's avatar
I second that! I only wish I could continue to watch you grow in abilene. I guess it just wasn't in the cards for us. However, you are strong. You can handle it by yourself and I have people looking out for you. :)